You Don't Have a Clue
by NormalIsForTheAbnormal
Summary: Jeff is seen as the badboy of Dalton, but he's one who never seems to talk or show emotion. This all changes when Nick transfers and becomes his roommate. Rated M for later chapters. WARNING! May contain triggers.
1. Jeff

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs and characters you recognise.**

**I'm also new at this, so if you'd give me any pointers, it'd be appriciated. And I also need a Beta.**

**WARNING! May contain triggers such as self harm, suicide and depresssion.**

**...**

Jeff Sterling was seen as the badboy of Dalton academy, with his black streaked blonde hair, eyeliner and smoking. But inside, he wasn't the badboy, in fact, he was very different. The other boys stopped trying to interact with him; they feared him, knowing he could be dangerous.

Jeff sat on his bed in his dorm. The room he had as a single for a year and a half, since the start of freshman year. The room he was now getting a roommate for. He had made it plain and clear that he didn't want a roommate. A roommate meant someone would have to share a room, a bathroom with. Someone Jeff would have to interact with, show the new kid round the school, make sure he's made welcome. Jeff didn't do interaction. He got up to finish making room for the new kid. He put his guitar and bass in the back of his closet. No one at Dalton knew he was musical, and he planned to keep it that way. He hid his blades and bandages in the bathroom; he didn't want questions about his self-harm, his suicide attempts. Once he was satisfied with the room, he sat back on his bed, and he put on the emotionless mask he kept up every day, no one was going to see through it.


	2. Nick

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs and characters you recognise.**

**WARNING! May contain triggers such as self harm, suicide and depression. All three of which I don't claim to be an expert on, but have personal experiences with.**

**The next chapter will definitely be longer than the first 2 have been, as they have really been the 'introduction' chapters.**

**Thanks to kaszz-chan for beta'ing this.**

**...**

Nick Duval was quite a chatty guy, and the sort of person who would normally be seen as popular. And he would be very popular, if he didn't have that one big thing about him that made him an outcast. That one big thing was the fact he was gay. And he got so badly bullied about it that eventually, his parents pulled him out of public school and sent him to Dalton.

Nick came out of the meeting that he and his parents had with the dean at Dalton. He had his schedule and room details sorted, but the housing office had apologized to him when he got given his room key, which Nick found rather strange and made him wonder more about what his roommate was like. How old was this guy? Was he musical? What sort of guy he was overall. He just hoped he had a nice guy, someone friendly.


	3. Meeting

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs and characters you recognise.**

**WARNING! May contain triggers such as self harm, suicide and depresssion.**

Jeff looked up as his new roommate came in.  
"Hi, I'm Nick." The brunette said cheerfully, offering his hand to Jeff.  
"Jeff." The blonde replied, his voice still rather high and clear, as it hadn't settled, staring at the outstretched hand. "Now for some ground rules. Don't touch my stuff. Don't touch me. And don't talk to me. Now let me see your schedule."  
Nick looked uncertainly at the blonde, had he done something wrong? He handed his schedule to the blonde, who read through it.  
"You have all your classes with me." Jeff informed Nick coolly as he handed the schedule back. "I'll show you around. Just don't make it look like we're friends or anything."  
"OK?" Nick said hesitantly as he started to unpack, thinking through all he'd said, wondering what had offended the other boy.  
Jeff glared at Nick, before getting a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and leaving the room, heading out to the small woodland area he always disappeared to when he didn't want anyone to bother him. And he could've sworn he heard Nick call after him, "Didn't you know smoking stunts your growth?"  
Nick quickly finished unpacking his things, before looking round the room. It was pretty simple. Matching twin beds, each with a nightstand either side of a small window. A large desk with two chairs. Two closets, one by the main door, the other by the en-suite bathroom. The bathroom wasn't very extravagant either. But the whole thing screamed class. The furniture was wooden and the beds were made with covers in the Dalton colors, deep blue and red, the carpet was also deep blue and the blinds were red. He had finally found somewhere safe- or so he thought.

**A/N: Reviews are nice...**


	4. Outcast

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters or songs you recognise!**

**Warning: May contain anorexia, bulimia, self-harm and suicide references**

By the end of breakfast on Nick's first full day at Dalton, it was made obvious that Jeff was an outcast. Other boys had even come over to Nick and said things along the lines of "Oh, _you're_ the one who has to room with Jeff. I feel so sorry for you. My dorm is always open if you need a place to crash." Nick didn't know what Jeff had done to the other boys, but surely he didn't deserve this sort of treatment. Jeff didn't appear to be eating anything either, just drinking several cups of black coffee.

With every person coming over to Nick, Jeff got more and more agitated. He hadn't actually done anything to the rest of the boys, he just never spoke to them, he didn't want people to get close, because people getting close meant them asking questions, wanting to know his past. And his past was not a pleasant subject. It seemed like they all went out of their way to make him uncomfortable at Dalton. They all knew he smoked, and with the black streaks in his blonde hair and his thick, black eyeliner, he was seen as a badboy. A rebel. But he always worked hard in his lessons, got his homework in on time, a model student. But everyone judged him on everything else. And during the rare times he spoke, everyone made fun of him for his high, unbroken voice, as if he wasn't insecure about it enough.


	5. Health class

**Diclaimer: I don't own glee or any of the characters.**

**WARNING! This chapter has a lot of self harm, attempted suicide, anorexia and bulimia references. If you don't like it, don't read it.**

Jeff took his seat in their first lesson, health class. It was right at the back, by the door, and the only spare seat in the class was right next to him, so that seat now belonged to Nick. In the dim lighting of the classroom he pushed his black framed glasses onto his nose. Then he saw the words projected onto the board. Self Mutilation. He paled a little. Then the teacher started talking, and various images flashed onto the board. "Self mutilation can come in many ways; the most common being cutting and burning yourself..." Jeff didn't hear any more, and he'd seen enough of the images that resembled various parts of his own body, with a quiet sob, he grabbed his stuff and ran from the classroom. Nick looked up, confused, as did the rest of the class, none of them had ever seen any emotion come from the blonde before, and it was kind of scary seeing it for the first time. The teacher quickly called attention back to the lesson, and Nick took that opportunity to quietly gather his things and slip from the room. He saw a streak of blonde hair go into the bathroom at the end of the hall, and he just hoped it was Jeff. He made his way down the hall at a more sedate pace, and what he saw when he pushed open the door shocked him.

Jeff had taken his shirt, tie and blazer off, exposing his far too skinny frame. He had a blade in his hand and he was franticly pulling it over his arms and chest, so much blood covering his body.

"Jeff." Nick gasped, causing the blonde to jump and drop the blade. "Why?"

"You wouldn't understand." Jeff mumbled, picking the blade up out of the sink, where it had fallen, and started running it down over his arms again.

"Just try me." Nick said softly, walking over to Jeff and gently taking the blade from his grip.

"I-it's a long story." He whispered, self-conscious of his overly skinny body.

"We have all lesson." Nick said calmly, and he got some damp tissue and gently started to clean the blood off of Jeff's torso, the blonde flinched at the touch, and remained quiet until all his cuts had been cleaned. "Please talk to me about this." Nick requested once he'd finished.

"W-well, I'm g-gay. And at my old school I was badly bullied. My friends were the worst. And I couldn't get away from it at home. My parents are really homophobic, like thinks all gays should get killed bad. I found my escape in self-harm and smoking. I got the streak in my hair as a sign of rebellion, to show them that they didn't own me. I-I barely eat anymore, and the little I do, I make sure it comes back up, I'm forever getting told that I'm fat. I just want to please people. People don't like me here because I look like a rebellious kid, they think I'm dangerous. But I'm not to them, only to myself." Jeff's walls broke down, leaving a scared, broken, vulnerable child in place of the normally strong willed teen.


	6. Broken

**I'M SO SO SORRY! I'M A BAD PERSON! I haven't updated in ages!**

**Diclaimer: I don't own glee or any of the characters.**

**WARNING! Homophobic references. Self harm references.**

Nick held Jeff in his arms for the rest of the lesson. Jeff cried the whole time.

"M-my mom and dad never missed the chance to insult me." He sobbed quietly. "They always call me fag. And in public they claim that they have no son."

Nick felt his heart break a little. "No one should have to suffer like that, Jeff. I got lucky, my parents are accepting. I'm so sorry about what you have to live with."

"According to them I'm fat. I'm going to hell. I'm one of the worst sinners they've come across. They've sent me to 3 different so-called straight camps. All religious ones. None of them worked. Obviously. The most recent one gave me this." He flipped his hair back off of his face, showing a long scar across his forehead.

"How the-?" Nick asked, so shocked.

"They'd seen my record, and after the first week, they decided that every day I didn't turn straight, I was going to get punished by injury. I was there for 3 weeks after that, and they gave me this on the last night. They told everyone that I'd fallen and hit my head on the corner of the desk after soul cleansing." Jeff murmured sadly. "12 stitches. And 8 weeks to heal."

Nick frowned and ran his fingers over the scar. "You poor thing." He murmured, starting to wipe the tears off of Jeff's face.

"Don't." Jeff hissed suddenly, jerking away from Nicks touch. "I don't need your sympathy." He pulled his shirt and blazer back on and refastened his tie. He splashed cool water on his face, until he'd regained composure. "I suppose I'd better show you to your next class. Just don't talk to me."


	7. I will try to fix you

***Hides from readers* I'm so so so sorry for not updating sooner, but stress has over run my life. I'll try to update more often.**

**Disclaimer: You probably know this but I don't own glee. If I did, Niff would be canon and Jeff and Nick would lead The Warblers. And The Warblers would win everything from the NDs.**

Throughout the day, Nick watched Jeff's carefully placed walls go back up. He ignored all the other students, worked quietly and didn't eat a thing. After class he led Nick back to the dorm before disappearing to smoke. Nick just sat in the dorm, thinking about Jeff. That poor, broken boy, who was afraid to let anyone in. It was sad, really. He thought everyone would get to him just to hurt him.

Later that night, Nick lay awake for hours, worrying about Jeff. Apparently he wasn't the only one awake. He could hear Jeff crying his heart out, his heart-wrenching sobs slightly muffled by his pillow, but they were still fairly loud. After a while Nick went over and sat on the edge of Jeff's bed. "Jeff, are you ok?" He whispered, knowing it was a stupid question, he obviously wasn't ok with the amount he was crying.

"Go away." Jeff whispered harshly, trying to hold back anymore tears, but failing.

"No." Nick replied firmly. "I'm not going to leave you alone when you're like this. I want to help you."

"Why?" Jeff asked, wincing when his voice cracked. "Why do you even care?"

"I care because you obviously need help and love. I want to be the one to provide that." Nick told him.

"Why?" Jeff sobbed again. From his experience no one truly loved him.

"Because I think you're beautiful." Nick whispered. "There's something about you that just draws me in. Just let me help you, please? I'm not going to hurt you. I promise you that much."

"You think I'm beautiful?" Jeff asked in shock, no one had ever complimented him before, except his old music teacher on his singing.

"Yes." Nick assured him. "I think you're more than beautiful. I think you're stunning, amazing. There are so many words to describe you. We belong in each other's lives. We met barely a day ago, and I already feel so much for you. You can't ignore that you feel for me as well."

"You are so overconfident it's scary." Jeff mumbled, reaching out wearily to hug Nick. "But I do feel for you. You're the only person who has even tried to help me here."

Nick laid down, and positioned himself so he was spooning Jeff. "Get some sleep, beautiful." He whispered in the blondes ear as he pull the covers over both of them.


	8. Hope

**Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own glee. **

**I'M SO SORRY. IT'S LATE. IT'S SHORT. IT'S KINDA JUST FILLER. I'LL TRY TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN.**

Jeff's eyes fluttered open at first light. He tensed up as the first thing he noticed was the strong arms wrapped around him, but relaxed as he realized it was only Nick. He felt a blush creep up his porcelain cheeks as the other boy awoke, remembering what exactly had happened the previous night.

"Morning." The brunette yawned, taking his arms off of Jeff to stretch.

"Morning." Jeff whispered. "Thank you."

"For what?" Nick asked, slightly confused.

"For being so nice to me. For wanting to help me. I've been here for a year and a half and no one has wanted to do that before." Jeff said, quickly hugging Nick.

"Jeff, it's no problem. I don't like seeing people hurt and broken. And you stand out to me so much more than anyone else." Nick smiled, returning the hug.

Jeff smiled and stood up, grabbing his uniform as he went into the bathroom to shower. He touched one of his blades and really thought about it. For the first time in years, he didn't feel the need to cut. There was something different about Nick. Something that made him feel good about himself again.


End file.
